Bulimia Recovery by Janet Karovitch

Bulimia Recovery
by Janet Karovitch

I am thirty-three years old and live in Montreal. Until six months ago, I was bulimic. For five years I had been starving myself all day and binging at night. With each meal, I took enzyme pills to help myself digest, and an abundance of supplements to replace minerals and vitamins I thought I was not getting. After each meal, feeling overfed, I would take two to three laxatives washed down with senna tea laced with psyllium husk powder. My diet consisted of rice cakes, air popped corn, margarine (diet of course), and a variety of nutrasweet products. Spinach and a teaspoon of beans a week helped to easy my conscience.

Progressively my health deteriorated. My hips were almost completely locked in place and my back and left arm were also starting to painfully spasm into very restrictive positions.

I was depressed. I could hardly walk. Every attempt to seek help never got past a 30-second phone call to obscure eating disorder clinics. I would be put on hold after which I'd hang up.

I feared being force fed. My will to live was rapidly slipping away.

At this point I was on disability benefits as my work requires being on my feet. Physiotherapy twice a week plus doctors' appointments were the only reasons for leaving my apartment.

I was falling apart at the seams. No one could help because no one knew. Living alone helped to conceal my secret. The mask I wore to hide my depression fooled almost everyone, and those who glimpsed the truth kept their distance.

A girlfriend had given me a book, A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson, and I was reading it for the second time when, one afternoon while resting, my heart started to beat out of control. I was able to breathe, but the rapid pounding was resounding loudly in my ears. I felt some pain in my chest and much fear. I breathed myself down to a state of calm and the attack passed. Then everything I read about came into practice. I was on my knees pleading to a divine force I believed in but had never spoken to. I knew I was dying but more than that I knew how much I wanted to live.

Within minutes the answer came. I had a serious problem. I had to confess-to myself and others. After years of twisted appetite patterns, mental and physical breakdowns, I was ready to take responsibility for my own life.

The next morning, I had a difficult, tearful, but soothing conversation with my mother. I promised myself I would make an appointment with my general practitioner the first thing on Monday. In the meantime, I knew Teva was where I had to go.

I had shopped at this particular natural foods store in the past, but this time it wasn't pills I needed. It was help. I was greeted by Guy Lalumiere, a former student and teacher at the Kushi Institute who is a native of Quebec and now working at Teva. He suggested that I cut out certain foods and try others. He wrote down a recipe for Carrot-Daikon Drink and suggested I take it immediately. I also decided to stop taking birth control pills because I had been experiencing bleeding accompanied by painful menstrual cramps for some time.

Guy promised to keep in touch and we did.

I eventually learned that I had a weak digestive system (probably from birth). Having been raised on meat, dairy products, and other modern foods, I had difficulty with assimilation and digestion. I never associated lack of energy or lack of self-confidence with my way of eating. However, over the years the symptoms intensified: dizzy spells, exhaustion, mood swings, and overall numbness became more and more frequent. Even after numerous surgeries for the removal of ovarian cysts and kidney stones and the discovery of stomach ulcers, I still never attributed any of my problems to my diet or birth control pills-until now.

My eating habits were never a priority. They were an obsession. Work always came first, and my microwave was my best friend. In my mid-twenties, I decided to begin a vegan diet. I felt much better in the beginning, but due to lack of research and balance, I failed. I fell deeper and deeper into physical and emotional anguish.

By the time I met Guy I could hardly eat at all. Semi-starvation and binging-purging were the only ways I knew to keep going. I had damaged my intestines so badly over the years I was apparently a hair's breadth away from cancer.

Along with cooking, I have also been introduced to some healing techniques. Shiatsu massage, ginger compresses, simple exercises, and home remedies have also helped me restore my health. My misconstrued image of my body has also shifted. What I once perceived as my overweight body has drastically changed. Now that the bloating and heaviness has subsided, due to carrying undigested food and eating an imbalanced diet, I no longer feel trapped in a body that never felt like my own. Due to all these methods, shared with love and patience, I have almost fully recovered.

Janet Karovitz resides in Montreal, Canada.